How I lost my faith (3)

My first year at university was cut short by poor health.  By Easter, I was showing symptoms of end-stage renal failure and was unable to return for summer term.

Both my parents had already been tested as potential kidney donors.  Between them, they decided my dad should go first.  (I know, I have wonderful parents.  I'm very lucky.)

We both underwent tests; I received a blood transfusion from him; the labs analysed our tissue and blood to make sure there were no signs that we shouldn't go ahead.

Shortly before we were scheduled for surgery, the hospital called.  There were unusual antibodies in my blood that were reacting with my father's cells.  The operation couldn't go ahead as long as those antibodies remained.  The doctors had never seen these antibodies before, so they didn't know how long I'd have them.  The operation was postponed indefinitely.

For the first time, I felt angry with God.  I trashed my bedroom. ( My mum was pleased by this - she'd been worried about my lack of emotion over my illness and felt the outburst was healthy.)  I dragged my oh-so-easily-exhausted body up to the hills near my parents house and cried.  I screamed at God.  What the hell was he doing?

The antibodies were thankfully short-lived; as a result, so was the drama.  My anger subsided.  In July 1990, I had my first transplant from my dad and returned to university for my second year.

My body accepted the kidney.

By my final year, I had become a complete Jesus freak.  Apparently I was still likeable enough but, as a good friend told me years later, there were times when I was annoying and - to quote her directly - "I wanted to shove your prayer stool up your nose".

Although I was studying Italian, I spent a lot of time at university playing classical guitar, singing jazz and writing songs.  I was convinced that God wanted me to be a musician/entertainer.  Shortly before my course finished, I met a promoter from York who said he'd help me out if I wanted to work there.

I graduated, spent the summer at various Christian events and moved over to York with my guitar.